Thursday, April 28, 2005

Darth Vader Gets a 419 Scam Email

Thanks to Mr Wheaton I am now spending an inordinate amount of my morning work time reading the blog of Darth Vader. And laughing out loud a few too many times while the traders on the desk are losing money on a busy day.

After only a few minutes I start thinking ok, this guy (or group?) has seen the Star Wars series over and over again. But to know the various plot lines and to work them into a humorous portrayal of the Lord's mind as he goes about his waves of galactic destruction, rebel annihalation and pursuit of the Millenium Falcon, is pure genious. Its like what would happen if Douglas Adams (Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy) was asked to co-write the script.

And occasionally posted with precious quotes such as"Big day. Storming the rebel ice fortress. Took a nap first so I would be peppy, " and "Whose trachea do you have to crush with your mind to get a little service around here?" it also is bolstered by a huge assorment of comments from also-well-equipped nerdy Star Wars fans.
(Remember to keep reading the comments.)

But when I read the post where Vader gets a 419 scam email from a man on Planet Tatooine in the Outer Rim, wishing to move Twelve billion Imperial Credits off the planet, I had to suppress a guffaw.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

On Zarqawi's Computer : Photos of His Pet Cat

So they just missed Zarqawi again but found his truck, his petty cash purse (104,000 usd) and his computer.

I just cannot help but wonder what's on his laptop.

I mean, really, think about what's on your computer that you might not want people to see and then focus on Zarqawi's? (Aside from those bomb-in-shoe designs, latest human target assessments and this month's road-side bomb, martyr enlistment totals.)

Let's see (submissions welcome):
1.Favorite Humous recipes for on the road (in caves, etc). Nothing like homous recipe sharing to break the ice at those terrorist new-comers gatherings.
2. Love letters from two or three girlfriends (one's a nasty girl!).
3. A few old computer games. Most accessed is Medal of Honor, the WWII game involving chasing soldiers with sniper rifles and other things through realistic battlegrounds.
4. Favorites on his Netscape browser (he would use Netscape, wouldn't he?) are the links to Victoria's Secret, and many big boob sites. Oh, and, something to do with being "Frum".
5. and in his My Pictures, a few of himself in various computer generated guises so he doesn't use them, a few snaps of real estate he would hope to buy near the Red Sea, and of course his pet Cat whom he named Powell. He misses the cat. At least 25 photos of the damn cat!

Any more ideas of what is on Zarqawi's laptop?

Friday, April 22, 2005

Beer As You Bury

A beer drinker. An Australian undertaker is reportedly offering a beer-as-you-bury service to take some of the sting out of bereavement(AFP/DDP/File)

Thu Apr 21, 9:34 AM ET

"A beer drinker. An Australian undertaker is reportedly offering a beer-as-you-bury service to take some of the sting out of bereavement(AFP/DDP/File)"

Sign me up! I would like my grievers to have at least something to fall back on. But it must be one of my four choices of favorite Czech Beer ... on tap. Not bottles or cans (How tacky!).

In fact, why not bury me in a hops growing field somewhere in Northern Bohemia, in a keg to save on casket costs. Hmm. I am going to follow this up.

Friday, April 15, 2005

1989 Russian Troop Withdrawal

Last night I was speaking to one of my old bosses who happened to be on of the Russian/Czech translators in the negotiations of the Russian Generals, the Czech Generals and some Americans regarding the withdrawal of all Russian troops during the 1989 Velvet Revolution.

He said that while he was not really needed to interpret (since most Czech Generals spoke Russian) he found it incredibly interesting to be hanging out with these superpower armies.

"And the party after negotiations was.. ... incredible!"

Bikers Have More Fun

From my brother, Larry:
"Several states in the US have ruled this illegal, but I think it's still OK
in Oz."


I have always said that motorcycle riding is an aphrodisiac.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

The Netscape Life Expectancy Test

I came across one of those 'tests' on a netscape homepage today. Ocassionally I take the tests out of boredom (like the IQ test which, for some weird reason I scored 145; is that good?)

Well this test was called the "Lifeline Calculator" with the catchy phrase under the name "How Long Will You Live?" (sounds like a futuristic game show designed by Paul Verhoeven involving trap doors and huge flames. Imaging Bob Barker shouting "how LONG with you LIVE?" with melodic emphasis).

Anyway, I scored 73.


So I chose "Play Again". And then I changed things for which you could say that I actually have a choice. Not like the level of education, or the desk job vs manual labor or the question about how many grandparents lived over 80 (one of the four; gulp).

However, instead of smoking under a pack of ciggies a day I chose none (well, really I have much wiggle room there since I smoke about a pack a week).

Instead of no exercise a week I chose 2 to 3 times a week.

Instead of being uhappy (stress from not making money like I shoudl have at my ripe old age), I chose happy.

Shazam! I earned 12 years! 85 sounds much, much better. I'll have that one, thanks.

Ok, ok, like the IQ test, I must have done something wrong. And whose to say that suddenly changing my exercise pattern and dropping cigs altogether will change suddenly my life expectancy after all the damage caused by being a smoking couch potato?

But I love the way that its presented: after you get the 73 answer, you are offered the chance to "Play Again". Do we get that chance after we croak? Will there be some angel-like entity handing out wild cards in heaven (or hell?).

And anyway, why is Netscape allowed to play God?

For the complete test and more detailed manual version.

Guess who is going running tomorrow.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

A Golf Quote

Today I read this quote by a stand-up comedian who died recently, Mitch Hedberg. Just reminds me of my golf game mentioned last week.

"I played golf....I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy and that's way more satisfying. Your supposed to yell FORE, but I was too busy mumbling that ain't no way that's gonna hit him."

The wedding at Watson's Bay.

See the city in the background, over the water? A very hot day, mind you. above 34 celsius in the sun I think. And us in black suits.

(I imagined the groom was going for the Resorvoir Dogs look).

But a good day and night. Definitely.

(Sorry about the photo of me at the beach munching on ice cream. I couldn't figure out how to remove it withe the


Tony's parents

Weding Dinner: Emily, Tone, Maree,   Charlene, Helen, Sacha

Justin, Dan, Sacha, Rich and Tony

Richard, Tony and Dan.. and some other   guy

Bondi Ice cream

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia

Bondi beach in all its glory. Yesterday was finally near 30 degrees after rainy and cool or humid for the whole week. Couldn't wait to get to the beach after some pre wedding shopping with the Groom.


A little seawead mixed up in the water for some reason but definitely worth the swim.

I used to come to Bondi (pronounced Bond-"eye") 2 or 3 times a week after work at 4 or 5 in the afternoons (since I worked from 6 at the bank in Sydney back then).

A quick swim across the moon-shaped crest, and a run back to my bag. Then, a nice nap.

I found it incredibly interesting that they have normal looking pools with lines and everthing and one end, but they are fed by the ocean. Many of the beaches have 'baths' at one end.


Bondi is one of the southern beaches along with Tamarama (nicknamed Glam-o-rama), Coogee, Maroubra, just to name a few. Up in the north, going from the similarly popular Manly on the north, you have Dee Why, Whale Beach, Palm Beach etc. The Main difference from North and south beaches is that the South ones are right near the main more populated and older suburbs, and much closer to the center. The north, more accessible since the big harbor bridge was built in the 1930s, is a very different place with larger, expansive suburban suburbs. But really gorgeous ones. The beaches, and there are many, stretch north from the harbor for miles.

The harbor is like a mouth facing east and the chin would be the southern coast and on the way up the nose and forehead would be the northern beaches. But the mouth has a very long throat, if you will, and many little inlets and coves, and the deep esophagus being the the rivers that lead to it. Basically all the way back to homebush where most of the olympic venues were. (I am not 100% positive on all the details but this is the blogger's perogative).

Alot of the Harbor is still swimmable. Yes, I am not kidding. I have swum from our rented harborside house in little Sirius cove, with the house dog Tess. I have heard it said that when you swim with a dog, any sharks in the area would normally go for the dog intead. The same I have heard about swimming with Japanese people, since they don't smell as bad as Americans or Australians. Certainly no scientific research went into this comment as well.

Hopefully I will add some map of the beaches here, later.

Well, getting hot out there. Got to get out of this Oxford street internet cafe, where I order one banana smoothie in exchange for cheap wi-fi access, and then to Paddington Markets and finally, The BEACH!