Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Safe Toy Shopping Guide, from National Lampoon

The Incredibles "Run Like Dash" Playset

What is it? This costume and playset promises to allow a child to "run like Dash," the youngest son of the Incredibles family who possesses supernatural speed.
Why it's dangerous: The anabolic steroids included with the playset were difficult to administer, as the younger toddlers shied away from the needles. The amphetamines made the children jittery, and while they did increase their footspeed noticably, it was difficult to get them running in any one direction and even more difficult to get them to effectively fight crime.
The costume's black mask can also obscure vision somewhat.
What you should do: Let the children keep the costume, but stay away from the speed enhancement. Remember that great toys rely on imagination first and foremost. National Lampoon enjoyed the most success in getting the children to "run like Dash" simply by taking them to the park and having one of our staff chase them while wearing the costume of the predatory arch nemesis of the Incredibles, Captain Molestro.

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